Roger Green recently featured this meme on his blog, and it seemed like one that, despite my love/hate relationship with the medium, might be fun to attack.

1. What is your favorite “Classic” TV show?

Star Trek, followed closely by The Prisoner.

2. What character from a “Classic” TV show would you like to be?

Kirk or Spock, depending on the circumstances.

3. On which “Classic” TV Show would you have loved to have a walk-on role?

The Prisoner, definitely. That would be trippy.

4. Can you remember a line you liked from a “Classic” TV show?

“You may find, after a time, that having a thing is not as pleasing as wanting a thing.” Or words to that effect.

5. Which TV doctor would you choose to remove your appendix?

Bones!

6. Which TV doctor would you not let touch you with a 10-foot pole?

Frank Burns.

7. Which TV doctor/hospital would you choose for the best medical care?

Chicago Hope. Was the hospital on Chicago Hope actually called Chicago Hope? I can’t remember. Maybe they can treat me for memory loss. We named our son Aaron partly because of Adam Arkin’s characted on the series, Dr. Aaron Shutt. He was a compassionate and reasonable guy, and his namesake has turned out the same way, which makes me very happy.

8. Everyone knows nurses run the hospital. Who was/is your favorite TV nurse?

Nurse Ogawa.

9. Do you consider yourself a “fan” of reality TV?

No. In fact, I consider myself an opponent of it, and would gladly drop an A-Bomb on it if I could.

10. What’s your “can’t miss” reality TV show (or shows)?

None.

11. What reality TV show do you suppose the devil plays on the TV in Hell as punishment?

All of them.

12. If you were given a free ticket to be on any reality show, which one would you choose?

None of them.

13. What shows would make up a perfect night of TV viewing for you?

Star Trek, Arrested Development, The Big Bang Theory, St. Elsewhere.

14. What show(s) would you cancel without a moment’s hesitation?

All reality TV series, and The Glenn Beck Show. See, I got my way for once.

15. Is there a show (previously canceled or just no longer airing) that you’d bring back, original cast and all?

Star Trek: The Next Generation in some form. Star Trek: Titan would make me very happy, although you have to be pretty into Trek to know what I am talking about.

16. You get to create one show to put on the schedule, with any stars you choose. Who and what would it be?

Mandy Patinkin and Hugh Laurie are partners in a psychiatric practice, the dark secret of which is neither of them is actually a psychiatrist, and in fact they are both escaped convicts on the run from a squad of determined U.S. Marshals. Each week a notable guest star plays a Marshal getting close to the truth. I just made this up and really, really want to see how it would turn out.

17. Is there a game show (past or present) you think you would do really well on, as a contestant?

I would probably do middling on Jeopardy, but that’s the one I would really like to try. Wheel of Fortune, sadly, is probably more solidly within my skill-set.

18. Is there a game show you think is the stupidest thing you’ve ever seen?

I don’t think I’ve ever thought that much about game shows, but stuff like that one with Howie Mandel seems really stupid and useless to me.

19. Is there a game show you watch, but don’t like to admit to watching? (A guilty pleasure!)

No. I don’t watch any, currently.

20. Who is your favorite game show host? Who is your least favorite?

I loved Richard Dawson on Family Fued. I don’t know why.

21. Who is your favorite (past or present) TV cop?

Vic Mackey.

22. Which TV cop do you think was the most crooked, or the most inept?

Vic Mackey was clearly the most crooked, considering that he was an unrepentant murderer. The most inept would be Andy on Twin Peaks.

23. Which TV show had the best ensemble cast of police officers?

The Shield.

24. You need to hire a bodyguard for yourself. Which TV cop do you choose?

Vic Mackey, but he would betray me and then I’d be dead.

25. Who is your favorite stand-up comedian of all time?

George Carlin, followed by George Carlin. There was no one funnier or smarter, ever.

26. Which one could you do without? (Not your type of humor, or just plain stupid!)

Greg Geraldo. Mission accomplished. (Too soon?)

27. Which comedian do you think has gone on to have a great career aside from doing stand-up?

Gilbert Gottfried. Aflac!

28. If you went to a comedy club on amateur night, and they gave you some jokes and a microphone, would you go onstage?

If I’d had a few drinks, probably.

29. Who is/was your favorite TV mom?

Jane Wyatt, Spock’s mother on Star Trek.

30. Was she a realistic mother, or more of a TV fantasy type?

I think the conflict she moderated between her husband and her son made her seem very realistic, despite the fact that she was married to a pointy-eared man from outer space.

31. Which TV mom did you find the most unrealistic? Or if you’d rather: creepy – sappy – mean – you choose the adjective, and you name the mom.

Peggy Lipton’s mom on Twin Peaks was a fucking bitch.

32. No disrespect to your dear old mum, but which TV mom did you think it might be neat to have as your own?

Lois Griffin.

33. What show would you like to see brought back for an hour or two episode, to see how the characters are doing now? (This should be a show that it might be possible to do a reunion on.)

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

34. Pick a show that could not realistically be brought back for a reunion, because some or all of the cast members are gone. What if they could have done a reunion before it was too late? Name the show you’d most like to see.

The Prisoner.

35. Which reunion show have you watched and thought “Wow, they should have left that one alone!”

Probably most of them.

36. Which do you prefer- a “reunion” episode of the series, or a “cast reunion” where the actors sit around and talk about the making of the show?

I really like seeing the real actors talking about their work and their relationships with each other.

37. What is your favorite TV theme song?

Roger mentioned Hill Street Blues, and I have to admit that I can still hear that one in my head and see the opening credits. That was an amazingly evocative piece of music.

38. Which song drives you crazy enough to hit mute on the remote?

I know there is one, because I have done this, but I can’t think of what it was. Is it time for my meds, Dr. Geiger?

39. Which song are you proud to say you remember (most of) the lyrics to?

Off the top of my head, none. But I have to admit that I could probably sing along to the Green Acres theme if it was running along to prompt me.